Snow & Ash: Endless Winter Page 16

  Oh God, oh God, if he’s telling the truth that means I killed her. It’s my fault she’s dead. I treated him so badly for not helping all those people that he must of went back out of guilt. He was with them when the baby came and Mom died. It’s all my fault he wasn’t back here to save her. The knife drops from my trembling hand and clatters into the sink. I’m shaking so bad and then I’m doubling over with the pain of it as sobs burst out of me. I’m so lost in my guilt and grief that I don’t even resist when Rex scoops me up and carries me to my room even though it must kill his hurt knee. I think I hear him calming the boys but I just don’t care. My Dad, he helped people. He wasn’t a coward but he wasn’t there to save Mom because of it.

  Rex sets me on the bed and grabs a tissue box from the dresser. He doesn’t say anything as I cry out seven years of repressed pain. He just kneels in front of me on the floor with his bad leg to the side and his hand on my shoulder until my crying slows down to hitching breaths. Then he hands me the tissues and waits for me to blow my nose before simply saying,

  “Tell me.”

  It all pours out, that day, that awful day we ran from our home and our lives. Passing all those people without stopping to help any of them and the harsh words I said to my dad about it. Coming here and learning how the world died and then Mom having the baby with just me there and her dying because I made him feel guilty so he went back to help. I told him about finding Dad’s body and hating the people in the town and wishing they would all die too.

  “All those years, I thought he was a coward to never help anyone but he did help and because of that Mom died. It’s my fault and he died and now I can never say I’m sorry!”

  Rex just stared at me with sad eyes before he took my hands in his.

  “I was eleven that day. We were moving from B.C. to Alberta and I was so mad at my mom. For days before that, I gave her the silent treatment and when I did talk to her it was always in a snippy tone. I blamed her for ruining my life, making me move away from all my friends and my dad. She, she died in a car crash when everything stopped working. I never got to say I’m sorry either. But here’s the thing Skylar, we were just kids. There was nothing we could have done to save them and I know, I know they knew we loved them and they also know that we’re sorry.”

  I sniffed my nose and cleared my throat but my voice still came out a croak.

  “How? How do you know that?”

  He smiled in understanding.

  “Because, you and me, we’re parents. When Ben is having a bad day and being mean to you, do you know he still loves you? And when he does something wrong, do you know he’ll be sorry for it?”

  I close my eyes and nod yes. I do know those things because I am Ben’s Mom even though I’m his sister.

  “That’s right. We know what it is to be a parent. Skylar, it wasn’t your fault your mom died. Even if your dad had been here, it probably wouldn’t have mattered.”

  I shake my head in denial so he tightens his grip on my hands.

  “Was your dad a doctor or a surgeon? Could he have operated and saved your mom?”

  I feel the weight that’s always been pressing against me lift off at his words. I know he’s right but it’ll take a long time for that guilt and grief to totally fade away and heal after so many years of carrying it. I catch movement out of the corner of my eyes and turn my head to see two sad little boys with tears running down their faces and arms around each other standing in the door. Ben’s mouth is trembling with tears when he speaks to us.

  “None of us have moms and dads. We should all be a family so we won’t be alone anymore.”

  Matty nods his head in agreement so I turn to look at Rex and take a deep breath and let a small smile lift my lips.

  “I think he’s right. I think that everybody who’s left should be together and help each other so no one’s alone anymore but first, first we should have ice cream!”

  I try and lighten the mood because I can’t stand seeing those small boys so sad. There will be time to think about the spark of an idea Ben’s words have given me later.

  Chapter Twenty Four-Rex

  I steal a glance over at Skylar at the other end of the couch when the credits start rolling on the movie we just watched. The boys are curled up asleep and half under the coffee table covered in a blanket we turned into a small fort. The giant robots that can change into vehicles weren't able to compete with the excitement of the day and the boys only made it through half the movie. She’s staring at the TV but I don’t think she’s really seeing it.

  I’m in awe of this girl. She’s so strong from all that she’s had to deal with alone, but she’s broken too. I’d say everyone who’s survived this long is broken in some way but most people haven’t had to be all alone dealing with it. I think she’s embarrassed by her breakdown cuz she’s barely looked at me since then. As soon as we left the bedroom she’s acted like nothing happened, getting bowls of homemade ice cream sprinkled with chocolate chips for everyone and setting up the fort for the boys. I wish I knew what she was thinking. She looks so lost that I can’t help but try and bring her back.

  “I just want to thank you again for everything you’ve done for us. Today’s been one of the worst and best days. For a while there, I thought Matty and I were going to die. What you did for us, saving us from that is not something I will ever forget. Taking us into your home and trusting me, I can’t ever repay you for that.” When she still doesn’t respond I continue. “Seeing Matty with your brother and him getting to do all the things that normal little boys used to do is such a gift. He’s missed out on so much since the bombs dropped. Everyday has been just focusing on survival so a lot of the joy and fun we used to take for granted is lacking in his life. You gave him, well both of us, a gift by letting us in here.” She’s still just staring at the now black screen of the TV and I’m feeling pretty awkward so I try a last resort to engage her. “I’m pretty much throwing myself at your feet here in worship for the most amazing thing you gave me…chocolate! Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had chocolate of any kind? But chocolate chips and ice cream? Seriously, my life now belongs to you!”

  Finally, she turns her head slowly to look at me in confusion before she registers the silly grin on my face. Her eyes clear and a grin tugs at her own lips. I hope she’s going to open up again but she just shakes her head in amusement and pushes off the couch to her feet and looks down at the two sleeping boys.

  “Should we carry them into the bedroom or just let them camp out here for the night? If we leave them here, you can sleep in Ben’s room.”

  I grab the crutch from the floor and clumsily get to my feet so I can see the boys. They look so cute curled up together that I just shake my head.

  “Nah, let’s leave them be.”

  We just sort of stare at each other for a minute before she nods, “Ok, well, have a good sleep. I hope your leg feels better tomorrow.”

  I just stand and watch her go feeling uncertain until she reaches her door where she turns and gives me one last look.

  “Rex… I’m glad you’re here. I mean, I’m glad I could help you and Matty and I really hope that I can trust you. Goodnight.”

  Chapter Twenty Five-Skylar

  “Dude, that’s EPIC!” wakes me the next morning. I just lay there completely exhausted from a night of tossing and turning. I spent most of the night rehashing every memory I have of Dad after the bombs fell and what I should do going forward. Having Rex and Matty here with us has made so many things I thought were set in stone shift. Ben’s soaking up Matty’s companionship like a dying plant does water and having Rex here has made me feel things I’ve never felt before. I can’t help but think maybe Ben and I were only half alive all this time and maybe, maybe it’s time to finally really start living.

  Peels of little boy laughter ring out from the living room making me smile. Yeah, maybe it’s time to find some real happiness instead of just existing. I roll out of bed and quickly get dressed. I’
m sure there are some hungry boys that could use breakfast. As soon as I open my door I freeze. The distinct smell of frying bacon hits me and I try and process how I feel about Rex helping himself to my kitchen. On the one hand, what the frack, who does he think he is? On the other hand, the last time anyone made me breakfast was when Dad was alive.

  He has his back to me at the stove when he calls out, “Alright you speed demons, game’s over! Go wash up and get over here before I gobble up all this food and make you eat broccoli for breakfast!”

  I grin as the boys make fake gagging sounds and race to the bathroom to wash their hands. Rex turns with a plate full of bacon and eggs on it and almost fumbles it as he sees me standing in my door. He breaks out those big dimples and my stomach flutters.

  “Hey, good morning! I hope you don’t mind me invading your kitchen. Those two were grumbling for food the minute their eyes opened. I just thought I could maybe give you a break and let you sleep in for a little while longer and, well, you have BACON!”

  I can’t help but smile. This guy, he’s, well, hmmm…

  “No, seriously! I gave you my life for that chocolate, but bacon? Skylar, you now own my soul.”

  He says it so seriously that the laughter just explodes out of me. I have to wipe away the tears I’m laughing so hard. Ben and Matty come racing out of the bathroom but Ben comes sliding to a stop and gives me a weird look.

  “Sky, are you ok?” He asks me in a worried voice.

  “Yes, of course. Why?”

  He shakes his head and starts to grin.

  “Cuz I’ve never heard you laugh like that before!”

  I look over at Rex and smile.

  “Yeah, well I think there’ll be a lot more reason to laugh from now on.” He gives me a small nod of agreement so I let my heart lead. “After breakfast, I have some things I’d like to show you.”

  We dig into bacon, eggs and toast with lots of laughter but I can see the strain around Rex’s eyes. I guess correctly that he’s worried about the rest of his people down in the town so I ask AIRIA about the weather but it’s still too dangerous to go out there. Once we’ve cleaned the table of dishes, Ben and I give Rex and Matty a tour of the cavern and all the back rooms. They ooh and awe over the animals and garden and all the other rooms, but it’s the barracks that affects Rex the most.

  He just stands there looking at the huge room with a grim face as I tell him about the storage containers of supplies I found. The boys are running wild around the hundreds of bunks in a game of tag as I wait to see what he’ll say. As his silence drags on, I take a deep breath and ask him.

  “How many people, good people, are in that town that could come and live here?”

  His head whips towards me with a face filled with hope. His crutch clatters to the ground as he wraps his arms around my waist and spins me around with a shouted “Whoop!” He only makes it one spin before he lets me go and bends over to clutch at his swollen knee.

  I’m laughing too hard to scold him properly as I retrieve his crutch and get it under his arm again. Once he has his balance, he rubs his hand over his eyes before he pierces me with a serious look from those green eyes.

  “Do you mean it? You have to really mean it Sky. This is a really big deal. There’s over a hundred people in the hotel alone. There are other groups spread out in the town as well that we’ve traded with in the past. That’s a huge step for you, to go from living all alone with Ben to sharing your home with a whole town.”

  I look out over the rows of empty bunks and nod without looking at him.

  “He should have done it from the start. This place can hold over a thousand people and yet here it is empty except for two. How many people died because he kept it for us?” I turn and look at him. “It’s time to start rebuilding. It’s time to start fixing what was broken.”

  A warm glow starts to fill me when Rex takes my hand in his and we look out over the empty barracks that ring out with boyish laughter. Yes, it’s time to start living again.

  Chapter Twenty Six-Rex

  I’m so excited and so scared all at the same time. Skylar and I spend the rest of the day making plans to move the survivors from the town up to the barracks. We’ll need a lot of help to co-ordinate everything but first Ted and his men need to be dealt with. I need to get down there and find out what’s happening at the hotel. Every moment I stay is a double edge knife. Being here with Skylar is amazing. In only one day I’ve already come to have feelings for her and I just want to stay here with her and the boys forever but my people, my family, are in danger and I’m going crazy with worry.

  Skylar wants to come with me to the hotel but we both agree that she needs to stay here with the boys to keep them safe and start pulling supplies from the storage containers to get the barracks ready. She finally agreed to stay with the condition that she’s coming after me if I’m not back in three days. She’s so fierce in some ways and so soft in others. I’ve fallen for this girl and I can’t wait to see what our future holds.

  “Rex, are you listening to me? If I can’t go with you then I can at least give you an advantage. Those guys were going to let you and Matty die. You can’t go back and think you’ll just be able to talk them into being nice! You need to be prepared to use force if they’ve taken or hurt your people.”

  She gives me a hard look so I nod. She’s right, things are going to be ugly so I need to be ready to do what I have to.

  “Good, do you know how to shoot a gun?”

  I blow out a breath. “No, but I do know how to use a bow.”

  She looks up at the ceiling and thinks for a second before giving me a grim smile.

  “Ok, I don’t think that’ll be enough but it’s a start. Follow me.”

  We leave the boys playing in a sand box beside a small stream cut into the rock floor that Skylar said she made for Ben a few years ago. They’re having fun making roads in the sand and running wooden vehicles around them. It seems like such a simple childish game for an eight and seven year old, but I guess that’s the draw for them. I know Matty hasn’t had a lot of simple childish fun in his life and Ben’s just thrilled to have a friend to do anything with.

  Skylar leads me to a door at the other end of the cavern past the animal pens. Even after the tour she gave us, I’m still amazed at the set up here. The sprinklers and UV lights on timers keep her multi-tiered garden area healthy and producing. Belle will go crazy when she sees it. She’s always taken care of the plants we depend on to supplement Lance’s hunting, but it’s always been a real challenge for her with one small grow light and lack of space. Still, she managed to keep all seven of us fairly healthy compared to a lot of other survivors, even if it meant eating fast growing sprouts at every meal.

  Skylar holds the door to the shooting range open for me to hobble through on my crutch. I’m trying not to use my leg at all so it will be at its best when I leave tomorrow. I had taken a quick look into this room when she gave us the tour but now I stand and stare in complete awe as she unlocks and pulls open a double door cabinet set against one wall. There’s enough weaponry hanging in racks for a small army to go to war.

  She removes a hand gun and a box of ammunition for it and then pulls out a shot gun and another box of shells. With sure hands she has both weapons loaded and ready for me in seconds. When she turns to me with a pair of ear protectors, she gives a little smirk and I snap my mouth shut. Yup, it’s official, this is my dream girl.

  She takes me through gun safety and loading procedures and I‘m very thankful that she doesn’t flat out laugh the first time I fire the shotgun and it almost knocks me on my butt. I have no choice but to use both my legs to steady myself while I shoot target after target until my knee is throbbing again. I’m no crack shot but I’m sure I’ll be able to defend myself, if they’re close enough.

  Skylar goes through all the targets I’ve managed to hit with a slight frown.

  “You’re pulling to the left with your shots but I think it’s because of your l
eg. Just try and keep that in mind if you end up having to shoot at anyone.”

  I’m slightly embarrassed that I didn’t do better so I ask her, “Do you know how to shoot all these guns?”

  As soon as I ask, a small smile flirts across her face and I’m already regretting asking. She walks down the lane and puts up a new target in the silhouette of a person before coming back and reloading the handgun I had been using. In one smooth motion she lifts the gun, squares off, aims and fires continuously until her clip is empty. She safeties the gun, sets it down and goes to retrieve the target which is further back than the ones I’ve been practicing on. With a sweet smile on her face she hands me the target without even looking at it. I hold it up to the light and grin even as my shoulders slump. There’s a perfectly shaped heart made from holes in the middle of the silhouette’s chest and one hole dead center of the head. I let the target fall and look at her in admiration.

  “Sooo, maybe I should stay here with the boys and you should go save my family.”

  She shrugs her shoulders and just says, “Done.”

  She would, she would go and risk her life for my family if I let her. I reach up and tuck a stray gold curl behind her ear.

  “Thank you, Skylar. I really appreciate that and everything else you’ve done but I have to go.”

  Chapter Twenty Seven-Skylar

  Dinner’s another success with the boys gobbling up the easy chicken stir-fry over rice that I made. I’m antsy and nervous about Rex leaving tomorrow and can’t let myself settle down to the movie they’ve chosen to watch. This one’s about a school for magic where a boy with a scar finds trouble with his friends. I’ve seen it before as well as the many that come after it so I just putter around the kitchen and think about what I’ll do if Rex doesn’t come back.