Snow & Ash: Endless Winter Page 6

  “Where were YOU? You left us and I couldn’t…” A sob broke my voice and I couldn’t go on.

  His head was bowed as he clutched at Mom’s hand and the sounds coming from him were so foreign for my strong dad that I skittered away from him and Mom. With the baby clutched to my chest I heaved myself up and on to the couch and just watched him fall to pieces.

  I have no idea how long we sat there with the baby screaming, Dad devastated and silent tears pouring down my face. I jolted away from him like a startled animal when in one smooth move he rose to his feet with Mom in his arms and carried her out of the room. My mind was still in the fog of grief and horror as I bounced the baby and patted his back but nothing would soothe him. It was like he knew his Mother was gone and he grieved with me.

  I didn’t register Dad coming back until he tried to take the baby from me. The noise that came from my throat was close to a growl causing him to take a step back. He swallowed hard as he scanned my face and then held out a baby bottle to me.

  “He needs to eat. That’s why he won’t stop crying, he’s hungry.”

  I snatched the bottle from him and the way the baby’s lips clamped on to the nipple told me he was right but I was so full of fury I snapped at him.

  “He’s crying because his mother is dead!”

  I saw Dad flinch at my harsh words but I didn’t care. This was his fault. He left us and Mom died. I turned my back to him and hunched over the baby like a lifeline. I had no words for him when I could barely think myself. I just stared at the tiny boy in my arms as he gulped down the formula in the bottle. As his little eyes fluttered down in sleep I briefly wondered where the formula had come from. There hadn’t been any in the bags I snagged from the nursery.

  “You have to burp him.” A sad voice said from behind me. I slowly turned around to face Dad. His face looked older and grey but his eyes were glued to the baby in my arms. I wanted to throw myself at him and have his Dad arms pull me close and make everything ok again, but a glance at the blood stained towels at his feet made me realise that nothing would ever be alright again. I stepped towards him and held the baby out.

  “His name is Benjamin…she named him…before.”

  Dad’s face crumpled in grief as he reached out and took his son. Resting the tiny body against his chest he started to gently pat him on the back until a soft burp escaped him. Dad’s eyes met mine and he opened his mouth to say something but before he could I turned away and raced into my new bedroom, slamming the door as I went. I snagged the iPod and jammed the earbuds into my ears before throwing myself onto the bed. As the music crashed over me I blocked everything that had happened in the last few hours out of my mind and let myself sink into oblivion.

  “Sky, Skylar? Honey, you have to come out. You have to eat something! Come on, Sky! It’s been two days!”

  I jammed the pillow over my head harder to block out his voice. I didn’t want to see or hear him. If I went out there, I would have to start living a life without my Mom, without my home, without my life. I just wasn’t ready to accept it all yet. I had sneaked out a couple of times to use the bathroom but other than that I’ve stayed in bed with my music and dreams of what used to be.

  Hours later, a cry broke through my sleep sending me bolt upright. I fumbled around in the covers for my iPod and saw that I had killed the battery. My bladder lurched in need so I docked the device to charge and crept over to my closed door. Cracking the door a fraction of an inch I peeked out and saw no one in the main room so I raced over to the bathroom.

  After I had done my business, I stopped in the kitchen to grab something to eat. The lights had been dimmed so I propped the fridge open so I could see what was in the cupboards for a snack. I didn’t want to talk to Dad but he was right that I needed to eat something. I grabbed the closest thing I could reach which was a granola bar and promptly dropped it to the floor when a pitiful cry rang out.

  I snagged the bar and crept back towards the bedroom but paused at the door before going in. The baby was making the saddest little whimpers that tugged at my heart. Dad’s bedroom door was only half way closed so I leaned in and gave a quick look. Dad was sleeping in the big bed and tears sprang to my eyes when I saw that he was clutching what should have been Mom’s pillow. Even in sleep his face was lined with sadness and I immediately felt shame at my behaviour. He had lost his wife, his best friend and I had punished him and left him all alone with his pain.

  I swallowed hard and stepped into the room. The baby was laying on his back waving his tiny baby fists in the air. Dad had made a little bed for him in a dresser drawer. I reached down and gently ran my finger over his forehead and down his little nose and almost laughed out loud when he snatched it with his small little fingers. My eyebrows shot up at how strong his grip was and I couldn’t stop the grin that spread across my face. I felt even worse about the way I had been acting when I realised that I had left my baby brother too. The thought of how Mom would be disappointed in me sent a wave of pain crashing in my chest and a small hitching sob escaped.

  In one smooth motion I reached down and scooped the baby up and against my chest and half turned to leave when I caught sight of Dad looking up at me from the bed. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out and tears burned my eyes. He just shook his head and brought his big hand up and covered mine and half of the baby’s back. After a few minutes I just nodded at him and carried the baby out into the living room. We settled on the couch and I sang him baby songs that I remembered from when I was little. He may have lost his Mom too but he would have the best big sister any kid could ever have.

  Chapter Six-Rex

  The door is locked and the staff room is overflowing with supplies that we’re trying to sort and store in some sort of order. Matty had fussed until we set him free from his baby seat and now he’s trying to climb every pile in the place. I feel like I’m spending more time pulling him away from stuff than getting anything put away so I give up and just grab him and fly him over my head like an airplane. His shrieks of happiness soothe the burn in my chest that never seems to go away completely. I keep waiting for the cops to show up and arrest us for looting the store but the hours drag on and no one comes. I’m also waiting to feel sick. I don’t know anything about radiation or how it works or what it does to a person, but Daniel said it was a really bad way to die. The more time that goes by and I feel fine, the more I wonder if maybe he was a crackhead that didn’t know what he was talking about. Or maybe he knows what he’s talking about and we’re safe in this concrete room. I guess there’s no way to know.

  “Rex, watch out for those diaper boxes!” Belle calls out as my foot catches the corner of one and I almost drop Matty. The place is a total mess with hardly any clear floor space. I don’t know how we’re going to be able to stay in here for a couple weeks without going crazy. I bounce Matty on my hip as I look around the room. Grey painted cinderblock walls with posters reminding employees to wash their hands stare back at me. There’s a scratched up fake leather couch against one wall currently piled high with winter clothes. A short kitchen counter with a small sink and two microwaves stacked on it has some cupboards that we can fill up and a staff room table that seats six. The other wall is filled floor to ceiling with staff lockers and is interrupted by a door that leads to a tiny bathroom. The whole room is maybe twenty by twenty and with the four of us and all the supplies we’ve gathered and dumped in it, I can’t even think of how we will be able to stay here for so long.

  This is stupid! We need to get out of here and see what’s going on out in the world. I’m just about to tell Belle and Sasha how that Daniel guy was probably a crackpot when yelling and a crash comes from out in the store. We all freeze in place as the sounds of people get louder and it doesn’t sound like happy shoppers out there.

  Belle dashes over to the table and reaches for the lanterns that light the room. She’s waving frantically at me to get to the other lantern on the counter as she turns the flame down low
so the room is hardly lit at all. I do what she wants but I don’t really know why until she comes over and scoops Matty away from me. She digs a handful of gold fish crackers out of an open bag and transfers them to Matty’s sticky hands as she whispers to me.

  “The light might show around the cracks of the door. We don’t want anyone to know we’re in here!”

  I glance at the door for a second and then back at her.

  “Do you really think that guy knew what he was talking about? I mean how would he even know if all that stuff was true?” Maybe one of us should go out and check things out.”

  Belle is shaking her head even before I can finish talking. She opens her mouth to reply but before she could say anything there is a scream of anger much closer. The sound of a woman’s voice coming through the door is shrill as she yells.

  “You can’t keep it all! We need things for OUR families too!”

  We all have our eyes glued to the door in shock. Her voice sounds like she is right outside the staff room. There’s another crash and a bang of a door hitting a wall before a pain filled wail erupts from the woman. I turned back to Belle in scared confusion as the wailing moves away. Belle’s face is filled with terror and her eyes are huge as she lifts a shaking hand and puts a finger to her lips in a “shhh” gesture. I slowly nod my head and glance over to Sasha. The poor girl is down on the floor between piles of supplies. She’s got her knees drawn up and her head down on them as she rocks back and forth in fear. I almost jump out of my shoes when a deep male voice speaks next.

  “We’re going to leave everything back here for now and just start loading the stuff from the front up. Get a few of the men and go to the other doors to the storeroom and barricade them. Move some pallets in front of them so they can’t be opened from the main store then get back over here and we’ll topple some of the shelves from the front of the store. I don’t want anyone back here! We’re going to need the stuff back here in the future so block it off and we’ll come back in a few days for it.”

  There’s a muffled reply to these instructions then what sounds like the pounding of boots on cement as people run away. We’re all just frozen in place as we wait to hear what will happen next when Matty starts to squirm. Belle tries to hand him more crackers but he just shoves them away and squirms harder. Belle’s face is cracking in panic and even Sasha has stopped rocking and looking at us with a scared expression. I look around the crowded room for something; anything to distract him from the Matty bellowing that’s on the way and spot his Sippy cup. I grab it and snatch the kid from Belle making a beeline for the tiny bathroom. I gently close the door and slide down against it to the floor with Matty in my lap. I raise my knees up and lean his back against them before handing him his cup. His small feet push against my chest until I start rubbing his tummy. This trick always works to settle the kid down. Mom used to beg me to use it on him when she was at her wits end. It only takes a minute for his little green eyes to start fluttering closed. It’s been a crazy day and the kid has held up great but right now silence is life or death so I hold my breath and silently beg him to go to sleep.

  My breath whooshes out and Matty’s eyes pop open with a squawk when there’s a huge crash out in the main store room. It sounds like metal against metal and I feel the crash through the wall. Matty’s face is screwing up into a rage so I grab a tiny foot and blow a raspberry against it. It’s enough to get his attention. He pushes it against my face for another with a small smile pulling at his lips so I do it again and then start back up with rubbing his belly. I don’t know how long I sit there but Matty falls asleep at some point and I let the tears that have been stuck in my throat for hours just trail down my face. Any hope that the world didn’t suck as bad as Daniel had said it would is now gone and that means he was probably right about everything. My mom is gone and now I believe that Dad is dead too and that means me and Matty are orphans.

  Chapter Seven-Skylar

  “Is that a cow?”

  I rub my weary eyes after a night of staying up with the baby. I’m trying to figure out how this sling works that I found in one of the bags I had brought from the nursery. It didn’t take me too long to figure out that it’s next to impossible to do anything with a baby in my arms. The problem is, the sling is way too big for my skinny ten year old body so I finally have to tie a knot in the fabric to make it small enough that the baby stays pressed against me. Thank God there was a little paper handout in the package or I would have been totally lost on how to use the thing.

  Dad had passed through the living room earlier and had left the door to the rest of the cave open so the sound was clear but it didn’t make sense. As soon as the baby was in the sling I went through the door looking for him. I had only had a quick look through the door on the first day when we got here so I was unsure of all that was back there. There were a few doors that were closed to rooms that had walls but the walls didn’t go all the way to the top of the rock ceiling. Looking up I could see lights hanging from a grid of metal beams drilled into the rock and it amazed me that Dad had created this place.

  Past the closed doors, there were the shipping containers to the left and to the right was an empty gardening center. I counted six raised rows of empty beds filled with soil with hanging grates above them that held a lot of empty pots waiting to be filled. Past those on the far right wall were two more closed doors that were imbedded into the rock wall. The size of this place was beyond anything I had imagined when my parents had talked about Dad’s man cave. The distinctive sound of a cow came again and I picked up my pace further into the cave.

  Once I had passed the shipping containers and garden area I again came to stop at the sight of the weirdest thing. A knee high wooden fence cut all the way across the cavern and on the other side of it was a four foot across stream. I tracked it across the room and saw a small pond cut into the rock floor. Looking closer at the water I saw a flash of silver as fish shot by. A silly grin split my face. Not only did Dad make a crazy huge man cave but he put in his own fishing pond. There was a little railed bridge to cross over it so I crossed and went deeper into the back.

  To the right were more wooden fences but larger and made into two animal pens. One of them had a chicken coop and my eyes popped out at the six hens and one ugly rooster that were scattered around it pecking at the hay covered floor. The other pen had a real honest to goodness cow in it. It was huge and black and white and it stared back at me over the rail as it chewed hay. I stared back in amazement. Where on earth had these animals come from and more importantly, was I going to have to clean up after them?!

  The scream of an electric saw had me turning to the left and there was Dad. My eyes roamed over the walls and tables around him that had all the work shop tools anyone could ever need. I had to shake my head a little in disbelief, Mom was always going on about how many tools Dad had in the garage but this was at least double that.

  I wandered over towards him and saw that he was in the middle of a building project. From what I could see it looked like he was building a baby cradle. I just stood there watching him and rubbing the baby’s soft head while he worked. His face was haggard and strained and he looked like an older tired version of my dad. Again, sorrow at the loss of Mom rushed through me. Tears burned my eyes as I tried to deal with how unfair this change in our lives was.

  Without looking up at me, Dad spoke.

  “Can’t have the boy sleeping in a drawer, you’ll be surprised at how fast he’ll grow out of it.”

  I glanced down at the tiny lump against my chest for a second before clearing my throat.

  “Um Dad? How did you do all of this? I mean all this stuff, the lights and the rooms and the containers, where did it all come from?”

  It took him a few seconds before he answered me as he continued to sand the board of wood he was working on. He finally dropped the sand paper and looked up.

  “It wasn’t me. I didn’t do all of it. I just did the finishing work, our living area and th
e animal pens and gardens. Uncle Bill had the majority of all this done before I even knew about it.”

  I shook my head, “He just gave all this to us?” I asked in disbelief.

  Dad ran a hand through his messy hair making it even messier while looking around the cavern.

  “Not exactly, it’s complicated.” He paused and frowned before shaking his head. “I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore but what he did was very illegal. After I got back from my last deployment your Uncle and I spent a weekend camping out up in these mountains. We talked a lot about the future and the way the world was headed. I told him about my plans to find a piece of land up here that I could buy and set up as a fallback position in case the sh… uh poop hit the fan. We talked plans and designs and supplies. It was sort of fun to lay it all out. After that I got busy and spent the next four years building up the construction company. There just never seemed to be any time to dedicate to working on the plan and I just tucked it away for someday in the future. Do you remember when Uncle Bill and his family came out to visit for your sixth birthday party?”

  I nod my head slowly with my mouth flattened into a grim line, I remember that visit very clearly mainly because of the most annoying boy on earth was with them. Uncle Bill’s son, Jackson is a few years older than me and a total spaz. He had ruined my party by popping the heads off and plucking the wings from the two Fairytopia Barbie dolls I had gotten as gifts. This had enraged me so much that I had smacked him in the head with the piñata stick causing him to fall backwards on to my Barbie birthday cake. Party…Ruined!